Relationships & Couples
Are you going through a tough transition, like a new marriage, parenthood, or moving houses, and feel this stress impacts your relationship and time together? Do you feel less like a team and are left yearning for connection? Has the initial spark dwindled and given rise to more arguments, less excitement, or changing interests? Are you still committed to your relationship but looking for techniques to improve communication and emotional connectivity? Do you feel this person is no longer your person and want to explore what changed, what can be rebuilt, or what happens next?
Working with couples in various capacities over the past two decades has provided me wonderful opportunities to craft my skills for empathizing and validating each partner’s experience. Initially, we will clarify each partner’s goals and wishes for the outcome of therapy. This might be followed by exploring childhood histories, life experiences, values, and expectations, so each partner can become aware of what triggers themselves and their partner, and deepen their understanding of and compassion for their spouse. Sometimes I coach through conflicts to make the default argument patterns more constructive. I often highlight moments of growth, effort, and togetherness that might not be easily noticed by each partner. Here partners can learn about what makes each other feel special, valued, and respected, allowing them to feel more secure within the relationship, whether the goal is growth and reconciliation, or respectful separation and divorce.
I hope that you both arrive at a stage where each other’s differences in desires, behaviours, and opinions do not threaten self-esteem or security. With commitment to working with each other, I hope you will feel that your partner supports and cares for you because of their true understanding and validation of you. You can each choose to have the other’s back while feeling free to be yourself. In really feeling seen “as is” by your partner and by yourself, you both get to be authentic, which will strengthen the foundation of your bond and enhance conflict resolution.