Parenting & Postpartum
As a parent, a midwife, and a counsellor, I understand, through many lenses, that parenting can be utterly overwhelming. The demands are consuming, with birth recovery, sleepless nights, feeding challenges, and toddler tantrums, or teenage dramas. The pressures to be the best parent, while still being a good partner, co-worker, and friend are also very intense. Do you feel you battle against your own expectations, as well as those of family, peers, social media, and the greater community? Do you sometimes doubt your capability as a parent? Striving for such high standards may leave you feeling restricted by the demands of parenthood, struggling with your new identity, as well as being anxious about your ability to raise a child. You may notice yourself yearning for your ideal parenting vision only to feel disappointed or exhausted. In this baby-centric world, you may yearn to be seen. You may also notice that issues or concerns from your past now feel very present and uncomfortable, prompting you to look for healing or change.
Our time together will begin by putting the focus gently back on you. No one has the same background, birth experience, or needs, so it is important to me that you feel your unique perspective is understood without judgement. From here it can be helpful to notice what (or who) drives the “shoulds” in your life (I should breastfeed; I should love being a mother; I should be able to do this without help), and uncover what values truly belong to you. What is it that you want and need (I need support; I want time to myself; I need sleep; I want to heal)? We can also talk about the areas where you feel self-critical, and work to highlight examples where you are already doing such a great job. I used to say to my midwifery clients, “If we take care of you, we will take care of babe.” This advice still rings true: If you get your needs and wants met (sleep, validation, set boundaries, healing), then there is more space to hold patience, flexibility, confidence, and calmness, all of which benefit bonding with your child and loving yourself.